"Death is a part of life."
True, but most of the time most of us prefer not to notice it. Then we turn on the news and find that Tim Russert or George Carlin is no longer with us. Or we pause on the obituary page while thumbing through the paper- and check the ages of the deceased to see who might have left us "before their time". Or we pull to the side of the road for the oncoming funeral procession- and then rush off to pick up the dry cleaning. These kinds of encounters remind us that death walks among us in impersonal ways.
Other times, death is a bit more personal. Like when we got news a couple weeks back that a friend of 15 years died unexpectedly at age 40. Or when a close friend told me that a woman who was like a 2nd mother to her had passed away last week. I've got the privilege of helping the friends and family of the latter with the memorial service tomorrow. On Monday I met with them to talk about the woman they had loved and lost and to make arrangements.
As we talked, I discovered that there wouldn't be a casket. Ellen had chosen to be cremated. She reached this decision during a casual conversation with her kids about what they want to have happen after each of them died. So, the family will be given the ashes, which they'll go about spreading in places yet to be determined.
Which got Jen and I talking about our own wishes. Would we want to be sealed in a casket or an urn? Or spread out in the places we loved in this world? In the end I decided that I wanted the family that was left behind to do whatever would be most meaningful to them. If it helps them to have a tombstone to visit, then so be it. I'm thinking that I won't much care at that point.
If I get to pick? At this point I'm leading towards being cremated and having my ashes scattered around. That way the family won't have to maintain or feel guilty about not showing up at a graveside. And, maybe they'll get closure from visiting spots that were meaningful to me. So far, only the Grand Tetons are a lock on that list.
How about you? Made up your mind about your final arrangements? If you were to be scattered, what spots hold that kind of significance for you?
Friday, June 27, 2008
Sealed or Sprinkled???
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2 comments:
If we die late in our life, such that the spouse left probably wouldn't remarry, we've decided whoever goes first would be cremated and then put in the casket with the second when the time comes. For us it's also a question of where. Where would we be buried? We were born and raised on the west coast, all of our family and a number of friends are still there. If we were buried on the east coast our families would not have a "memorial" to visit. Then again, we've lost four of our grand parents in the last three years and they are all cremated and put in mosoleums (sp?). We have our own ways of remembering them that doesn't require a trip to visit a piece of granite (no offense to those who find comfort in that). Being realistic cremation is MUCH less expensive. I think a prudent part of financial planning should be answering these questions and visiting the necessary places to make the decisions. A lot of people are surprised at how expensive the whole process is. And is that really what you want to think/worry about when you've lost a loved one?
enough from me. :)
I always thought those Viking funerals were cool where they set you off on a wooden raft and then ignited you in the open waters - probably at dusk or night for dramatic impact. But alas, it is illegal. Hmmpf!
So, cremation is definitely the way to go. No way I am letting someone spend tens of thousands of dollars on my funeral just so I look comfortable in a padded casket. Those funeral home directors are some of the best marketers on earth. And I'm awfully frugal (in most accounts) with my money.
At the moment I'd like my ashes to be spread throughout my gardens so every flower would have a part of me (weeds too). So, whenever someone wanted to "visit" me, they could just take a stroll and say hello to the flowers.
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